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Post by North Italy on Jun 18, 2014 14:38:37 GMT -5
When Ludwig had pulled back to gaze into his eyes and admit to forgetting how ticklish he was, Feliciano found it difficult not to laugh. Ludwig had such an endearing expression on his face, far happier than those he’d worn before now and that in itself made the Italian feel fairly buoyant; as if a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He’d made Ludwig smile, no matter how indirectly or how slight; Feliciano had succeeded in that small task at least. He’d have that memory with him too, to remember rather than Ludwig’s solemn expression.
Feliciano had wanted to tease further, joke and maybe try and improve the German’s mood all the more, but he found himself wrapped in Ludwig’s arms and lowered back against the bed, lips nuzzling against the skin of his jaw and trailing over in a way that made the Italian nearly purr in delight.
It was after he’d finished murmuring that declaration of love, that Feliciano felt his companion pull away and he realised with just a touch of nervousness that he must have understood at least some of what he’d mumbled.
He knew Ludwig was a rational man, which was why a part of him had hoped his words would go unheard, or misunderstood. However the rest of him, flush with emotion and as reckless as ever felt pleased that the German had understood after all. Good. Why should he keep such affections at bay and not tell him after all?
As if to answer that question, Ludwig had pulled back in order to give Feliciano a surprised look, bordering on disbelief perhaps. Feliciano felt that reckless side of him silenced by a resurgence of nerves and wetted dry lips.
It was the other man’s almost assuring statement that caused Feliciano to frown slightly, confusion making him blink up at the German as if asking for an explanation to his words.
At length he replied, pursing his lips in something akin to a pout. “Why wouldn’t I mean it? I think I know how I feel, Ludwig.” he wasn’t chastising per say, merely replying with a gentle affirmation that what he’d said was truthful.
He knew Ludwig’s nature tolerably well, enough to realise that Ludwig’s surprise and statement hadn’t been meant to offend at all. The most likely explanation was Ludwig’s knowledge of their uncertain future, something which Feliciano was all too aware of, but unlike the German he was willing to risk separation and a little heartache in the coming years if it meant being with Ludwig when the war ended and things were settled. He’d waited a ridiculously long time for his first love… waiting seemed to be something he was becoming rather used to after all.
Unwilling to let Ludwig be so easily dissuaded, Feliciano reached up and threaded his fingers through Ludwig’s hair, gently pulling his face down to nuzzle his cheek. He supposed there was a chance Ludwig merely didn’t feel as strongly as he did… and that stung, but Feliciano tried to push the idea aside by reassuring himself once more that Ludwig was honest and kind, he wouldn’t have kissed him if there was less affection there than what the Italian felt for him. The ill-fated proposal had been proof enough of that surely.
Wanting to make sure there were no further misunderstandings, Feliciano huffed softly and repeated his words, this time in German. His dialect was different of course, accent odd for the language, and nerves probably caused him to pronounce a few words incorrectly, but he hoped it was enough for Ludwig to get the idea. He meant this, he wouldn’t be put off by any discouragement Ludwig gave him; save for if he turned him down and told him he didn’t love him in return.
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Post by Germany on Jun 18, 2014 15:16:39 GMT -5
Ludwig let out a small sigh as he let Feliciano card his fingers through his hair and then pulled down to have the other nuzzle his cheek. It was when the small Italian repeated those exact same words in German that had his expression softening even if he wished he could have kept it serious and unwavering. This confession....it meant a lot. It was going to change many things in their lives for good but the thing is...how long would they be apart? Would it last if they were forced to stay away from each other for more than fifty year.
Ludwig didn't know what kind of punishment he would receive but he was sure that at least on the side of the French....it would not be pretty at all. He didn't even want to get started on the Russians either. His expression hardened and the worry as well as melancholy that had been ever present their entire time together was back on his features. This time it was because now that he was thinking about the future....there was nothing they...he could do to soften the harsh future ahead of them. It would be like no other end to a war...this...what Hitler had started was in no way like what had happened in the past especially since it was on such a large magnitude. It wasn't only between Europe...they'd manage to drag in the entire world.
"It could be more than ten years....it could be fifty years for all we know..." Ludwig finally speaks up again. He had rolled onto his side but kept Feliciano close at this point. "I didn't want to talk about this...but at the end of all this....nothing good can come out of it for me..."
He's staring up at the ceiling because he can't bear to see how Feliciano is looking at him. "You'll be safe...your brother assured that for you and I'll make sure to assure that as well...but whatever does happen...and that you find out about...I won't blame you for changing your mind..." Ludwig swallows a lump that had caught in his throat.
There is a moment that he grows silent this time his hand carding through Feliciano's hair in a soothing almost absent minded manner. He hadn't said it back...and he knew that he should because it was hard to deny his feelings for Feliciano. They had remained constant even after the rejection.
Ludwig takes in a deep breath and turns to press a kiss to the smaller male's forehead. "I should stop thinking so logically....love isn't logical at all..." This was almost his way of admitting that he was also very much in love with Feliciano. Although, realistically, it should have been obvious...perhaps to an outside observer.
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Post by North Italy on Jun 18, 2014 16:11:54 GMT -5
Hard lines and melancholy eyes, the same upsetting expression had returned to Ludwig’s face, and Feliciano resisted the impulse to try and kiss away such an appearance; the crease between his eyebrows, the thin, grim line of his lips. Instead Feliciano suppressed the inclination and allowed himself to be simply held close so as to listen to Ludwig speak instead. Clearly the man had something important to say, and for once Feliciano wouldn’t interrupt to satisfy his own whims.
He hadn’t seen Ludwig’s face soften before then, and so was a little concerned the German might be upset with him for being hard headed. However, it seemed Ludwig’s concerns were far more pressing, and Feliciano felt another flutter of worry on his loved one’s behalf as the German explained the situation to him.
Feliciano remained silent, though he longed to reassure the man he’d come to love, and let Ludwig finish voicing his concerns properly before he spoke up himself. It was the difficulty Ludwig had in finishing that sentence over not blaming Feliciano should he changed his mind that caused Feliciano to shake his head emphatically and finally break his silence however.
“Y’know it’s kind of funny… most times someone saying they’ll make sure I’m safe is really all I want to hear. You know how much I hate all this.” he waved a hand absently as if the ‘all this’ of the war was something visible in the room for him to indicate to. “But right now I think I might just prefer doing something dangerous if it meant being able to stay with you.” He flushed at the foolishness of his words and wriggled as close as he could to Ludwig. “I know you’ll say that’s naïve and stuff… and it is stupid really… frivolous… but being with you kind of feels more important than staying safe…”
He paused for a second before clearing his throat and carrying on so as not to give Ludwig time to potentially find a hundred and one things wrong with what he’d just said. “I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t care if it was a hundred years or more, I’d wait and I wouldn’t mind if it meant seeing you again someday.” He smiled, trying to ignore the old pang of hurt that the thought of waiting dredged back into his heart. Still it was the truth; he’d wait and keep on waiting if he had to. Ludwig was worth that, and Lord knows, he’d be punished for this war when all was said and done. He deserved to have someone there for him.
Perhaps being punished was the right thing to happen to him in some people’s eyes, Ludwig was the nation after all… but somehow Feliciano couldn’t find it within himself to quite agree to that. Nation or no, Ludwig was a good man; he wouldn’t have wanted any of this, and knowing ‘nothing good can come out of it for him’ was a hard fact to swallow.
Knowing Ludwig had said he wouldn’t mind Feliciano changing his mind when it seemed to be something of a struggle to say those words was what had saddened Feliciano the most though, and without another thought, the Italian wrapped his arms around the German and pressed a firm kiss to his cheek. The way Ludwig brushed through his hair affectionately had the Italian smiling despite his sadness and mumbling. “I’m not going to change my mind. I love you and I don’t think there’s much that could change that… so I’m afraid you’re stuck with me… well you know figuratively speaking for now…”
Feliciano felt his eyes flutter closed and smile widen as Ludwig turned in order to press a kiss to his forehead, a giggle catching in his throat at the words that followed the action. “No, love isn’t. You’re learning… that’s good.” Feliciano had fallen into a default pattern, tease gently and make light of things. It didn’t always work, especially difficult given his current companion; but it was worth a shot to try and make Ludwig concentrate less on the difficult times that lay ahead. “You can’t stay sensible forever… but probably best you don’t end up as bad as me; if there are two idiots running around who will keep the other in check?” He snickered, not minding being a little self-depreciating for the sake of Ludwig’s happiness.
He hadn’t said ‘I love you’ in return, but frankly it wasn’t needed. Feliciano knew. It was hard not to know when Ludwig was the way he was. Always protecting him, being kind, the little gestures and kisses they’d just shared. Feliciano had always been prone to thinking people would hate or abandon him, but now it was difficult for those old fears to surface at all where Ludwig was concerned.
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Post by Germany on Jul 23, 2014 10:07:13 GMT -5
Ludwig was more than aware how much Feliciano disliked the war....he had seen his men perform poorly merely to preserve human life. He knew that the Italian army couldn't be that bad....and there had been reports even during the Great War that the Italian's had been sabotaging some of their weapons. At the time, Ludwig wasn't sure how much to believe but meeting Feliciano...and also Lovino, well it wasn't so hard to believe that their citizens were the same way. He'd had many of his own citizen deserting the war or working against their very own government. There was no way he could blame them for doing that....if Ludwig had a choice he would have done the same but seeing as there were still a lot in the Wehrmacht that were also victims of the time....he would never abandon them even if ti meant complete destruction for himself. That was probably the meaning of being a nation....that selflessness that seemed to take over every nation when their people were on the line.
He'd seen it with Francis when he'd invaded and took over....with Poland, Roderich....Herackles...Norway...Danemark. Gott....what had they done....that wasn't even half of the nations that had fallen under his occupation....and he was supposed to feel proud of this corrupt empire. The thought of it was just making him sick again...not that he had very much to bring back up considering his diet consisted of nothing for the most part.
Feliciano's words brought him back from his melancholic train of thought and although he wasn't feeling up to smiling much...he did before tsking the small man in his arms lightly. "This would have all been for nothing if you came back with me....and I'm certain your brother would come after me if that were the case...." Not that Lovino stood much of a chance and since he'd have to prove himself on the side of the allies....it would be difficult for him to be trusted.
"Right now your safety is important....being by my side will come in time..." He murmurs his expression luckily hidden from Feliciano. For some reason even when he said these words they felt like a lie. He knew that his feelings wouldn't change...they were so deep rooted in how he functioned....how he viewed Feliciano, that there was no way he couldn't ever like Feliciano more than just a friend....
"I think it would be better if we didn't talk about this anymore...." Ludwig gets out just as his throat constricts uncomfortably. He clears his throat in hopes of keeping it from constricting too much. It was emotional...that was a given because he'd never felt it do that quite like this before.
It was the change of tone, one a little more lighthearted, that had him scoffing quietly to himself. "I think it's a little late for that....I'm definitely the bigger idiot." His reply didn't have quite the teasing lilt that Feliciano's did....it almost sounded as if Ludwig was being completely, one hundred percent, serious (which might not have been to far from the truth secretly).
It was at this point that he finally glanced at the clock. "I have to go soon.....did you want to catch a bit of shut eye before I have to go?" Ludwig wouldn't mind a bit of sleep seeing as he hadn't had any for quite some time minus the small nap he had the few hours before arriving to their destination. Ludwig wouldn't say it was nothing but when he'd been running on mostly no sleep....even when he got an hour or two it seemed to drain him more and remind his body how much he needed a good twenty four hours to recover from his self-torture. "I'm find with whatever you decide." He says so Feliciano wouldn't feel guilty if he did want to stay up to talk to him. It was their last time together....at least that was ending on a good note.
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Post by North Italy on Jul 23, 2014 11:24:44 GMT -5
The thought of Lovino trying to hunt Ludwig down brought something close to a smile to his lips. It wasn’t that Feliciano doubted his brother’s tenacity, or his ability to fight when needed; it was just an unlikely image to pop into his mind.
‘Being by my side will come in time’ he’d have to content himself with that promise for a while… and yet despite the gentle way Ludwig was speaking, something about the words didn’t ring quite right, as if Ludwig himself couldn’t quite bring himself to believe them.
If Ludwig didn’t believe, then he’d do it for him, the Italian’s stubbornness was beginning to surface all over again. Wars be hanged, he’d make sure he saw Ludwig again or die trying, simple as that. He’d already passively waited far too long for one love who never returned, he’d be damned if he let his second slip away because he was too meek to actually actively do something about it this time.
Feliciano frowned, hiding his face in the crook of Ludwig’s neck for a moment so he wouldn’t see his expression. Determination was a warm, pleasant tingling in his limbs that sharpened his resolve and made him cling to the German just a little tighter. He had to agree with Ludwig though; talking about this any further was out of the question, he could tell by the way the other man cleared his throat; it was an upsetting subject.
When he’d joked about Ludwig becoming as bad as he, he hadn’t exactly expected any response more than perhaps a snort or mild admonishment. The way Ludwig scoffed and replied had Feliciano pulling back to look him incredulously in the eye. He really thought that? It was meant to be a joke, but Ludwig sounded as if he meant every word.
Shaking his head and grinning ruefully, Feliciano reached up to push stray hair from Ludwig’s forehead. “Hm, whatever shall we do? The sensible Ludwig’s turned into a bigger idiot than Feliciano… Only one thing for it, I’ll have to try and be completely efficient and serious instead.” The very thought of that had Feliciano biting back laughter. He wasn’t putting himself down per se, he knew he could be dependable when need be… but there was no way on Earth he could ever pull off Ludwig’s reliable and steadfast demeanour.
The Italian’s mood soon plummeted at the realisation that Ludwig’s departure was far closer than he would have thought… any time was too soon really, but he’d presumed they have longer than this. Mumbling a soft Italian curse, Feliciano leaned in to ghost his lips over Ludwig’s once more, lingering just a little longer due to the fresh reminder that he’d be leaving and soon.
He’d have loved to stay awake and speak with Ludwig longer, to hold him close… but that would be selfish. He could tell Ludwig had been suffering the same as he, probably worse. Lack of food and sleep were things nations shouldered relatively well for a certain amount of time; but from Ludwig’s appearance he seemed to have handled far more than his fair share. To make him stay awake either to ramble on or to explore their affections further would not be helpful to the German’s welfare at all. He was already exhausted, he hid it well but it was plain as day to see; if he didn’t rest before making his return trip he might become ill or make a mistake and be captured.
Setting aside his own longing, Feliciano gave a convincing yawn and snuggled as close as possible to Ludwig. “I don’t really want to,” he couldn’t help admitting, but continued. “But I think sleep’s probably the better option… for you too.” He hummed pointedly before nuzzling his nose into the folds of Ludwig’s shirt at the hollow of his throat once more and breathing in. It was silly, but he kind of wanted to memorise everything about the other man before he had to go, scent included.
He was tired, but still fought to stay awake longer than his companion, making sure to murmur a firm “Wake me before you go so I can say goodbye properly, si?”
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Post by Germany on Jul 23, 2014 13:39:50 GMT -5
It was the way Feliciano looked at him after the comment that had him looking away with an embarrassed flush...as if his comment was one of the worst things he'd said so far. However, he couldn't help how much of an idiot he did feel for various reasons. Ones that he's sure he'd mentioned in passing many times before and if not than at least it would be a secret that would go with him to the grave....as long as no one discovered the true horrors that were occurring inside German territory. At this point, they were no longer personal stupidities but national stupidities that had infiltrated so far into his subconscious that it was almost hard to figure out what was his own inner thoughts and what were his people and government.
Again, Feliciano's comment managed to get him to snort at the mere idea of Feliciano pretending to be him. Although, honestly, that wouldn't be the first time the Italian had attempted it and he'd let him. It had been sad to see how accurate (or he assumed how accurate) Feliciano had been able to act like him. It was comical the way he did it....and he was sure that he wasn't quite like that but it had been so odd to see the small Italian act like that that it could only be taken as a comedic act of some sort.
"No one will take you serious...." He hums with a small small curve of his lip before he's distracted by Feliciano's lips ghosting over his. It was their warmth that reminded him how hard he needed to fight to meet up with Feliciano sooner rather than later. Ludwig keeps the arm around the smaller man's waist firmly in place while the other one trails up the back of Feliciano's head to card through his hair once again and give neither of them any option but to properly kiss.
It's soft, gentle and innocent. Ludwig doesn't try for anything deeper but he does kiss him several more times before Feliciano was yawning and saying how much he didn't want to sleep but though it was a good idea regardless. A part of him knew that the Italian was only saying that because he knew....no matter how hard Ludwig tried to hide it, Feliciano knew that Ludwig desperately needed some shut eye. If the big bags under his eyes weren't evidence enough than Ludwig wasn't sure what would have given it away.
He didn't say anything at this point. Instead, he remained quiet as he gently stroked his hand through Feliciano's hair and down his neck, repeating the process in hopes of lulling him to sleep quicker. Ludwig wasn't sure how much sleep he would get seeing as it was nearing the time for him to leave so quickly that he'd probably end up sleeping with one eye open to watch the clock. That kind of sleep was far from restful.
Ludwig knew that Feliciano wanted him to wake him up before he left but he wasn't going too. He'd let the small man sleep and save them the pain of parting because Ludwig knew for a fact that Feliciano would just keep him from leaving at the time he had specified for himself....something would happen to delay him or to change the outcome of the mission entirely whether it meant he would get caught or that Feliciano would end up coming back with him. Either way, it would just be better to leave before the Italian woke up.....
With that settled Ludwig continued his gentle caresses as he closed his eyes to see if maybe he could find some sleep....and hopefully restful sleep.
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Post by North Italy on Jul 23, 2014 15:13:08 GMT -5
Not fair… Feliciano’s mind supplied the childish, sleepy thought as gentle fingers moved through his hair and trailed down his neck in a way that was so gentle; Feliciano instinctively leaned into it and let his eyes close blissfully. He was meant to be staying awake so he could make sure Ludwig actually got some sleep and didn’t do anything irritatingly chivalrous, like deny himself some rest in order to keep on guard. It was very difficult to keep his resolve when Ludwig was holding him close and caressing him like that.
He parted his lips to gently admonish Ludwig, but only found strength enough to sigh contentedly. It was no good, if Ludwig was tired then so was Feliciano; the war, the stress of their governments and people in constant turmoil, and their own bodies reaching breaking point over the past few years meant that he was certain all the nations involved must be feeling the same aches and pains; the same soul crushing exhaustion as them.
And yet sleep was never usually an option; orders came and had to be met, troops and citizens had to be helped and protected, any one false move could lead to failure and loss. Now that he’d joined the Allies he just wanted it all to be over; for them to win (as terrible for Ludwig as that could be), and for the world to start to heal again. True rest ultimately, would be a luxury, probably a miracle until that time… Not that he should complain, this was their burden as nations, and they’d faced it time and again and survived; not so those poor people who war tore apart and left without families.
To stop his mind venturing down a decidedly dark path, Feliciano nosed into Ludwig’s shirt again and breathed deeply and evenly to dispel the thoughts. The warmth of Ludwig’s body, the comfort of a mattress beneath him, the soft touches to his hair all had the desired effect. Despite his best efforts and hardly managing to let his eyes flutter open to glance once more at Ludwig, Feliciano felt consciousness leaving him. His last hazy thoughts were that he hoped whatever occurred in the coming days, weeks, and years; that Ludwig would stay as safe as possible and be able to see him again once the war was over.
His dreams were haphazard; never once settling on one thing for too long. There were bits and pieces of memories flashing behind his eyelids like shards of a warped and broken mirror; there were things that might have been considered nightmares, but which never grew close enough or real enough to wake him; and then there were happier fantasies… Feliciano and Ludwig together again and no more war; living together somewhere safe and happy, and the world at peace and healed enough so that they no longer had to worry so much about ‘nation things’. In these dreams he smiled and left his fingers curl into Ludwig’s clothes more securely. He was happy and so was Ludwig and in these dreams that wouldn’t change.
The final dream woke him though… a disturbing and upsetting vision of Ludwig donning a black cloak and hat, smiling in an apologetic way and disappearing in front of his very eyes. That scared him… enough so that Feliciano gasped and woke up, sitting up quickly.
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Post by Germany on Jul 28, 2014 17:38:14 GMT -5
Ludwig had cheated. He had known that those simple caresses would lull Feliciano to sleep which would later allow him to slip away before the other even woke up. He was quiet during this time as he listened to the Italian's even breathing signalling that he'd definitely fallen asleep. Ludwig's eyes were still closed and even though there were moments were he felt like he was falling into darkness, into sleep, he'd startle awake only to see that a minute or two had passed and he still had quite some time left to 'enjoy' this moment. Who knew when he would get another one....especially one this comfortable and which made him feel warm inside–whole even. It was that thought that than had him listening to the clock. It was usually a noise that could lull him to sleep but at the moment it had the opposite effect.
The more time ticked away Ludwig could only become even more restless.The tick tok tick tok had him staring in irritation at the contraption as he watched the seconds hand fly over each minute as if it were running a gold medal race int he olympics. Eventually the sleep he had hoped to get was merely a faded dream or a nearly forgotten memory.
He held Feliciano close his fingers idly caressing the small Italian's skin as he half stared up at the wall....pensively. There were so many questions that Ludwig just wanted answers but he knew that he wouldn't get them, not right now anyway. He wanted to know when the war would end....what kind of punishment was he awaiting....how long it would be until he got to see Feliciano again....what would happen to his brothers...would he even survive the end of this war...if he didn't who would tell Feliciano...
Gott, that was the last thing he wanted Feliciano to hear after the war...that he hadn't made it...that was one more incentive to try and survive this rather than his last resort plan that seemed to coincide with that of Der Führer's plan if they were to lose the war. That was another thing that Ludwig would never tell Feliciano about....it was best to keep him innocent of such putrid thoughts. Plus, if the Italian ever did catch wind of it...well, it wouldn't be a very pleasant talk and it would be hard to justify his reasoning for it to make proper sense to his companion.
When Ludwig's mind began to calm itself it was at that moment that he realised that it was time. His gaze fell on the slumbering figure against him and only then did his expression soften as he shifted to comb his fingers through surprisingly soft auburn hair. He looked ready to stay...to keep the small man in his arms but he knew that getting caught now would not be good for anyone. Reluctantly, after having taken quite a bit more time beside and caressing Feliciano's hair, Ludwig gently pulled himself free making sure to be incredibly careful whilst he pulled his arm free so not to disturb him.
Ludwig sat at the edge of the bed combing his own hand through his hair as he took a moment to let the world adjust around him. He felt unsteady...dizzy and a part of him knew exactly what the cause of this sensation. He glances over his shoulder at Feliciano before getting up and heading over to the chair he'd left his sweater. There is a moment where he straightens his clothes before pulling his sweater over his head and then fixing that as well.
The tall German arranges his small pack before heaving it over his shoulders, adjusting it and strapping it on. There was a moment where he was tempted to just leave but when he spots the slumbering Italian on the bed that plan goes out the window and he heads back over to the bed leaning forward and planting a soft kiss to the man's forehead.
"Auf Wiedersehen....Feliciano..."
He lets his lips linger a little longer than necessary on Feliciano's forehead before pulling away carefully. Ludwig does stop to fold the Italian's clothes setting them down neatly on the desk as he crosses the room towards the door. He quietly opens the door stopping to cast one last glance on the slumbering figure. His expression grows melancholic again but he forces it off opting for something a little more emotionless. However, the sadness doesn't quite leave his eyes.
There is a moment where it looks as if he's going to say something more but he stops himself. Instead, he forces himself out the door closing it behind him and leaving for good. Feliciano was safe now and there was nothing to worry about. He could concentrate on losing this war and then surviving the hell that would come next....at least then....eventually he'd be able to see his favourite smiling face again....but until then...it would be difficult.
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Post by North Italy on Jul 28, 2014 18:37:46 GMT -5
In the few blissfully ignorant seconds before the memory of Ludwig’s impending departure returned to him, all Feliciano feared was the remnants of that dream and so on instinct, sought to gain some sort of comfort for it.
Eyes still bleary from sleep, Feliciano turned to his side to nudge Ludwig awake with an apology and explain, probably more than a little sheepishly, why he was waking him for something as trivial as a nightmare. It was as his eyes caught side of the empty space beside him that the first cold, curling of icy fingers around his heart and stomach made a voice whisper in his head that ‘Ludwig is gone’.
Feeling a small tremor run down his spine and a horribly shocked prickling dance over his arms and scalp, Feliciano vehemently pushed the voice aside and dredged up any number of weak excuses for the empty space beside him. Ludwig must have just gone to use the bathroom. Or surely he was just paying the kind hotel owner in advance so that they could both make hasty exits when they had to leave ( of course conveniently forgetting that he had already paid the man himself earlier)… he was… he had just stepped outside for some fresh air, right? Feliciano had asked him to wake him before he left so he wouldn’t have…
It was stupid really, a small rational part of himself argued… to be so upset over Ludwig leaving without saying a proper goodbye. It would have made things harder, right?
Feliciano had by now scrambled out of bed and hastily walked about the room, checking here and there futilely as if his companion might appear from thin air. With his sleep filled mind finally catching up with him, Feliciano finally noticed the lack of Ludwig’s belongings and sat down on the bed again heavily, choking back a dry, shaky sob.
He was gone… he’d left and hadn’t woken Feliciano to say goodbye. For one moment, Feliciano was angry, angry and hurt enough to consider doing something foolish… but at another half memory from his dreams… or maybe it was just wishful thinking… Feliciano recalled the sensation of lips on his forehead and almost as quickly as the swell of hurt had come, it was gone.
He hadn’t woken Feliciano that was true… but he hadn’t meant for it to hurt him either, he was positive of that. A trembling hand rose to touch his forehead where he remembered, or maybe imagined, lips had touched in his sleep. Ludwig wouldn’t intentionally upset him for anything, and he had a good reason to just up and leave… Feliciano knew this deep down though it was a hard truth to swallow.
Calming himself enough to breathe normally, his breath having come in funny, barely controlled snatches up until now, the Italian glanced at the clock and registered the time.
Definitely gone… Ludwig wouldn’t have lingered until this hour, it was dangerous.
And he should be going too… or at least getting himself ready to. Lovino wouldn’t be too long he was sure of it.
Sighing and automatically reaching up to wipe away stray tears that had started to fall with him barely noticing, Feliciano then stood and began to straighten the bed covers with hands that still shook.
“I’ll see him again, he’s so much stronger than… well than some were – are… he won’t die. This will end and then after everything goes back to normal we can see each other again and be happy.” It sounded a little fanciful, far-fetched even to him; but he spoke the words firmly to himself, wanting to believe them entirely.
Trying to force cheer back into his manner, Feliciano hummed distractedly and rooted around for his clothes from yesterday, only to realise they weren’t quite where he left them. To his embarrassment a giggle caught with yet another sob pushed passed his lips in a strange, garbled mess.
Of course he had… only Ludwig would take time before leaving to fold and leave a neat pile of clothes Feliciano had worn. Unable to help himself, Feliciano picked the garments up and pressed them to his face, inhaling deeply as if he might catch a little of Ludwig’s scent left on them still.
Managing with some difficulty to calm down once more, Feliciano finished collecting together his few belongings and put his clothes back on.
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Feliciano had been correct in his estimation. It had been just after dawn when he’d woken to find Ludwig gone; true to form his brother didn’t arrive until a few hours after.
He greeted Lovino warmly, though of course had to listen politely as the elder Italian had thought up some more reasons to berate his sibling for dragging him out here and for being so close to German occupied territory in the first place.
The elderly man behind the desk rose one eyebrow as Lovino continued his complaints as they passed by, insisting on carrying Feliciano’s things out whilst Feliciano walked quietly behind him. Catching the old man’s eye, Feliciano gave him a slightly watery but still vaguely amused smile and roll of the eyes.
“Your cousin left early? I thought you were travelling together.” The hotel owner had noticed Ludwig’s absence it seemed.
Feliciano froze, and was very grateful Lovino was too busy ranting and now out of ear-shot to have heard.
“Not exactly left he er… had some errands to run. We’ll meet up with him later.” Feliciano mumbled hurriedly, a familiar pang in his heart.
“Very well,” there was something of suspicion about the old man, but he didn’t seem inclined to press any further. After all Ludwig had done nothing to warrant being concerned about whilst staying here. “A safe journey to you then.”
“Grazie… please stay safe yourself.”
Feliciano gave the man a little wave which was returned as Lovino popped his head back into the hotel entrance to gripe at Feliciano for not hurrying up. He nodded to the owner himself and disappeared from sight once more.
Leaving the hotel, Feliciano glanced back once more as he clambered into the truck beside Lovino. He knew deep down it would likely be a very long time before he could see Ludwig again, but at least he knew now. No matter what they cared for one another, and he hoped that could help them both through the days to come, if even just a little.
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